I wonder about this alllll the time. What version of myself am I to others? 

I know who I am to myself, I feel consistently myself day in and day out. But even that consistent sense of self morphs and changes based on environment, the situation, responsibilities, the people you’re with, etc... 

Sometimes I’m quiet, hyper vigilant, and anxious. 😨Sometimes I’m loud, rambunctious, and quick witted.😎 Sometimes I’m frustrated and quick to anger or sadness. Sometimes I’m truly present, listening and reflecting. 

I find myself wondering if I’m authentic enough, if I’m myself enough- in real life, at work, as a therapist, as a friend or partner, in my own counseling, and most of all on this page! 

Anyone share these fears, worries, or thoughts? ⬇️

The cognitive distortion I’m covering for today is “Shoulds”! 

Shoulds are things we expect ourselves or others to do. Like a list of rules 📝 we have about our behavior or the behavior of others. 

When people break our rules (or when we break our own rules) it might make us feel angry, 😡disappointed, hurt, shameful, guilty, resentful, or even disgusted. 

You might believe that you are motivating yourself with shoulds and shouldn’ts, but you’re leaving yourself with a big emotional consequence of guilt and shame.

A toxic “should” I hear all the time is “I should diet”, “I ate Taco Bell today so I should go for a run”, “I shouldn’t eat that”, “I should lose weight”. I’m totally guilty of this too. These ideas are symptoms of DIET CULTURE- a huge land mine of shoulds that prescribes expectations, rules, and behaviors for create perfect bodies (but not perfect minds, I might add). Diet Culture is a symptom of PATRIARCHY- and we all know how we feel about that, right? 😉

What “shoulds” do you tell yourself!?

Hey y’all! It’s Monday! Here’s a reminder that you are awesome and powerful and fearless! 🌿